


Somehow But Not Someday

by gomushroom



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Broken Promises, Non-Linear Narrative
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-12
Updated: 2012-09-12
Packaged: 2018-10-12 03:38:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10481241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gomushroom/pseuds/gomushroom
Summary: The usual won’t work for them, not in this fictional lifetime.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Jun's birthday contest over at sakumoto LJ. 
> 
> West Side Story Universe, winter 2004, with several deliberate misconstrue facts and non-linear plot.

Tony shifted a little bit closer, desperately wanting to share warmth and prolong the moment. It wasn’t even midnight yet. “The usual won’t work for us,” he spoke softly.

 

 

 

 

Tony's left hand instinctively went round Bernardo's waist and Bernardo welcomed him, pulling him into a half hug. When the knife plunged in, their eyes met and the drum of the music went wild.

Tony blinked to a weak cry of "Tony" dying in Bernardo's mouth as he dropped dead still clinging to his sides.

Reality hit back.

With Ohno lying on one side of the stage and Bernardo on the other, he crouched down. This was their opening night, and he was already cringing from seeing Bernardo die, acting or not.

Strange dream that gave a dead man leave to think, he told himself, coexisting with such violent pain.

 

 

 

 

“You are bound to leave me bleeding to death on stage. It is terribly evil of you but nothing could ever change that,” Bernardo slurred as he leaned drunkenly on the bar counter.

Next to him, Tony sat and stared at his nearly empty glass. Why did they end up drinking shots in the first place, he asked himself. He vaguely remembered the polite request after long practice; the adorable smile the man next to him flashed shyly after he said yes, the suave bar on the back alley of Aoyama, the realization that he was getting tipsily drunk some time a half hour ago.

“I should have really stayed hating you till the end of time,” Bernardo said.

Tony definitely didn’t plan for their night out to end up like this, as he felt the familiar pang of hurt hit him right in the heart.

 

 

 

 

_Christmas time is coming to town_  
Someday in the future we'll walk on a red carpet  
That's a place where nobody can get in our way　  
Stay in my arms and in my heart　  
Let's go into a dream 

 

 

 

 

It was decided early on that he is now Tony–at least until further notice. Strange _strange_ dream, he told himself again. Thus with a kiss he (shall) die.

 

 

 

 

A few minutes later, snow had gone thicker. They parted that night in the same spot they met earlier and when Tony was about to wave goodbye Bernardo took a step closer.

"Stay warm," he fussed with Tony’s muffler, avoiding eye contact since he wasn't entirely sure if Tony would be fine with his fussing in the first place.

"Oh. Okay. I will."

Bernardo convinced himself that it was a stutter he heard from Tony’s mouth, was satisfied with the fact that Tony didn't step back and let him fuss.

He patted the knot, satisfied. He then looked up and met Tony’s amused gaze. "I’ll see you at dress rehearsal tomorrow."

 

 

 

 

Those lips opened for him, moaned back onto his as he claimed what he had been dreaming for months, and Bernardo felt dizzy. When Tony rubbed his back harder and pulled him even closer than they had been already had, something clicked on Bernardo’s mind and he stopped, jumping back as abruptly as he took the step forward earlier.

“I’m, sorry,” he mumbled, all hot and bothered and embarrassed, striding out the room hurriedly.

Tony was dumbfounded.

.

When Tony caught him on the left side of the stage during check up practice the next day and pulled him aside, Bernardo kept his silence.

Tony was wearing his costumes, that white tank with sleeveless shirt, making him yearn to run his fingers on those strong arms. He couldn’t because they have three scenes to practice and he already knew that he would botch most of his lines with the state of mind he has right now.

 

 

 

 

He felt Tony’s palm on the small of his back, lightly at first and then giving just a slight pressure to hold him to his place. When he leaned to close up the space between them, Bernardo stared back and tried to breathe.

"I can't say I mind." Tony ran his hands up his back, as he whispered the words. "But you may get more than you bargained for."

They just finished an intense scene, one that had been plaguing the full cast for two full days. But how could he refuse, Tony realized. He would never hold out against those hints of vulnerability and need hiding under the faux polish. "You said you know of a good and quiet place?"

"Yes, I do," shivers tingled down his spine as Bernardo nodded. With his tight hold on the strap of his bag loosened he found his lips curving. This better started soon anyway.

 

 

 

 

_These white winter days_  
The days I walked with you  
The nights it seemed like we'd freeze 

_I'll always be by your side  
I won't let go of this hand_

 

 

 

 

"You know, we've been seeing each other for a while now—"

"We are not seeing each other. This is just yakiniku after work."

"Right. Anyway." Tony shifted in his seat, relaxing more as he grabbed his beer bottle and leaning against his seat, his V-neck shirt slopping a bit on his right shoulder, hair a bit tousled from quick drying after a quick shower and _that_ fucking earring. It was worse, Bernardo realized, now that it was just the two of them.

"I haven't asked an important question to make sure we have a chance.”

"And the question is?"

“What are you doing on Christmas Eve?”

 

 

 

 

Still, _hold my hand and we’re halfway there hold my hand and I’ll take you there somehow, someday_ , faintly chimes on the far side of Tony’s mind, but he ignored all of it for now.

"It's snowing," Bernardo muttered, sighing and giving up to temptation before leaning slightly against the offered warmth, looking up to the sky as if trying to start another story.

"Just stay with me awhile," Tony said softly, reaching to hold Bernardo’s cold hand.

 

 

 

 

"This is theater. You should be able to convey your feeling in a more exaggerated manner. No camera is going to zoom out from your face and help you relay your expression. You need to let it all out."

Tony twirled with all his might, sidestepping the cue marks, thrusting his hand above his head pretentiously. It frustrated him; he swore that he would never be taking any musical offer again and overdid everything all the same.

"Well, not _that_ all out," Bernardo pointed out, still sitting cross-legged on the edge of the empty stage, with his hair down. He was having fun altogether so why bother pointing out the fact that he had slightly more experience.

It was already late and Tony’s confusion couldn’t possibly grow even greater as Bernardo was getting even more amused. “Why don’t you give an example then, if you’re really good at this,” he snapped, throwing a dare with an accusing glare.

Bernardo smirked, already doing some unnecessary stretching. “Later, remember that you asked for this.”

 

 

 

 

The next time Tony couldn’t help to avert his gaze from Bernardo, as he gave his perfunctory explanation. “I need to kill you tomorrow. I'm sorry for that but that needs to happen! I don’t even know what to say anymore.”

“It's okay. I don’t know either,” Bernardo sighed, cursing their schedules and all the complications that came with them. “We do have till January. Until then we all need to stay within our roles. That just has to be done.”

Somehow the silence that followed didn't heavily linger as usual. For once the looks they shared were kind, hopeful and warm.

 

 

 

 

Sometimes attraction sneaks up at the weirdest moments of their fictional lives. Someday, Bernardo might have been satisfied with their life; somehow, he might have managed to do so if only he was still breathing. But not today.

.

“Why are you doing pull-ups on those old railings?” Bernardo tried to lean naturally at the changing room doors. They would only have a half an hour before they started the second show. “Are you terribly not in shape you need to do pull-ups at times like this?”

Tony stopped, grabbed a small towel, and wiped his face. His abs and arms showed considerably more muscle than it might be expected from a man who was actually a full time idol.

“And why do you need to be shirtless?”

Tony just grins in response, still all sweaty with uneven short breaths.

Bernardo’s mouth simply went dry watching him.

It was fucking shallow to be interested in a man simply because he looked hot. Hot and hard and handsome and _all sweaty_.

So what?

"You’re not going to climb any tall fence to get to the balcony in this story, you know," Bernardo says.

"But, I am."

“No, you’re not. The script said you’re going to be hoisted on a box crane, and you are going to sing to each other at a certain height.”

“Certain height? They didn’t tell me that.” A degree paler than he was supposed to be, Tony squinted, looking a bit unsure. “How high?”

Upon seeing a little panic over Tony’s face, Bernardo smiled and wondered why they could not have this still awkward but slightly more comfortable dynamic a little longer instead of whatever they were having right now.

 

 

 

 

“You think this is wise?” Tony gasped as Bernardo’s right hand tugged impatiently on his belt while the other slipped shamelessly to his jeans back pocket nudging him even closer, rendered him breathless.

“Hey—“

All reasoning forgotten, he gave up when the impatient hand slid into the front of his jeans.

“Merry Christmas.”

Breathless hot murmurs burned the tip of his ear, as he tried to hold back his moan. He must have misheard his own name, must have. They were being careless. Yet, this felt so good, so right. Somehow.

 

 

 

 

Tony broke away first, forcing their eyes to meet, "you will always be the one for me."

“Liar.”

“I might be, but I am being one in your face.'

Bernardo wanted to protest further but it died down as Tony's thumbs slowly rubbed his cheekbones. He closed his eyes and felt the heavy breathing; Tony's mouth was barely inches away from him.

 

 

 

 

"Hey." Bernardo took a long breath, trying to get the message across without too much awkwardness when he finished packing. "Are you in a hurry, or would you like to go have a drink?"

"I'll need to grab a shower first," Tony said, oblivious on how Bernardo had stepped closer, and turned to find him close. “What?”

 

 

 

 

“I am too drunk to deal with you,” Tony pushed him and failed to notice that the hurt look on Bernardo face resembled his own thoroughly. “Go away.”

 

 

 

 

Bernardo was barely able to hide his excitement waiting for the day to come. He might smile too wide during some magazine photo shoots. He might also float happily during the week and people noticed. All paid off quite handsomely. When Tony sent a blinding smile, already waiting in front of the plaza, his heart did amazing cartwheels.

"Am I late?" He glanced at his watch, hiding his excitement, knowing that he was definitely early.

"Not at all. I'm terribly early," Tony confirmed. "Shall we?"

Bernardo waved with a flourish to let him lead the way into the building.

 

 

 

 

"Always." A chaste kiss. “Remember that,” Tony leaned away.

“ _Liar_ ," Bernardo cursed softly, wanting more but incapable to do more than to control himself from grabbing Tony’s solid arms even harder and asking for more.

Then Tony's hands disappeared and he closed his eyes, panting slightly over the loss. _Somehow_ didn’t mean shit, he thought, as he heard the click of the door closing.

 

 

 

 

Seeing Ohno Satoshi on stage, damn perfection, sprawled supposedly lifeless, Tony was brought to a standstill.

The pocketknife gleamed invitingly on the wooden floor.

Tony picked it up, only hearing Bernardo's short pants of breath near him, only hearing the roar of rage buzzing on his head, only registering slightly the single spotlight streak on their stage. He surged ahead to a momentarily dumbstruck Bernardo, whose gaze were fixed on him, whose stance were not so sure anymore.

 

 

 

 

“We are not together. We are not _even_ going to end up together. So what’s the point?” Bernardo stared at a fixed point beyond the gleaming mirror behind the bar.

"An amazing and succinct summary of everything so far." Tony finished his beer. "You could tell the world it's none of their business."

"I could. Or I could lie to you."

"I wondered if you'd lie to me."

Bernardo waited a beat. Somehow it hurt all the same even if they were finally discussing the matter at hand. “Or we could lie to the world instead.”

“We could,” Tony says, eyes fixed on the wooden counter.

 

 

 

 

Someday, Tony might have been satisfied with his life but this was how the story ended for never was a story of more woe than this of them.

.


End file.
